One of my questions as I got to know my patients or clients as we often called them in Hospice was a simple one, “What do you fear?” I often approached this question carefully, especially with men. I generally did a good job of asking it and not making people defensive about their fears. It’s an intensely personal question, and most people do not like to admit that they are afraid of something. It takes some verbal skill but I was very successful at calming people and addressing their fears, once we spoke them out loud.
I don’t know if every one is afraid of something, knowing that would make me way smart. But I do know that most people have fears, spoken or unspoken. I also know that most people find a way to face their fears and most of the time they get through it or past it. You have to, right?
But when you are near the end of your life, writing your last chapter as I often said, you are more willing to face your fears and not grow so defensive about speaking of them. I met a few folks that were so settled into their faith and so confident in God’s promises that they had little if any fear. I can only count those people on one hand though. Most, the vast majority are afraid of something.
Who’s going to take care of my spouse, is there enough money to help her live comfortably for the rest of her days, what will happen to the side of the family that does not get along well, What will happen to the son or daughter that is a drug abuser or addict? There are hundreds of these kind of fears. A little deeper fear is, will God look favorable on me and will I spend eternity with Him? This fear rarely came up without some guided questioning and responses. Sometimes I would ask this question like this if I saw a lot of fear in someone. What do you think is beyond this life? Almost always this was such a deeply personally question that it took a moment of reflection to gather a response. A lot of the time, it was a I hope so kind of response. Sometimes people had no worries about the afterlife because they simply didn’t believe in one. I honored their belief as much as I could and yet even they had some fears.
Occasionally there was a clear understanding of God’s promises and what one could expect. My work was done then and I knew this person was in a good place, ready to receive God’s will as God saw fit. But most people needed further questioning and then a quick Bible story about about King David and how awful and murderous he was as a leader in Israel but also how much God loved him and helped him repent and learn and turn from his really wicked ways. Sometimes I think that the story of David is the best example of God’s plan for humanity next to Jesus Himself.
And then you have a bunch of comments, some call them commands about Not to Fear in the Bible. Maybe as much as 200 times in the various phrase of fear not or do not let your heart be troubled, etc. I was not in a place to preach that to many people. Most people have enough trouble admitting they are afraid of something in the first place and do not need me to come along with a Big Fear Not hammer and shut them down. They need to learn to find something greater than they fears, not to be told to stop fearing as if it were a magical switch they could turn off or on at will.
I have a theory, that what people complain about is associated with what they are most afraid of. We are seeing it with the comments about losing democracy as the Presidential election draws near. The fears show up as insults and taunts and anger at this political candidate or the other one. He is going to destroy democracy, she is going to take away your rights, they are going to get us into world war 3, and on and on. These are thinly veiled fears that should be addressed and the more skill we have at bringing them out, the better we will be as citizens of this great nation.
What are you thinking about these days that worry’s you or scares you? Economy, world war, rights, relationships, the American Dream, jobs, health and reproductive rights? I don’t need to know the answer, I’m not going to assess you, but you do. You do need to know what troubles you, so you can face it and enjoy life at the same time. Just a theory.