Marriage is so personal and it’s a bit out of character for me to talk about mine. It’s a little like trying to convince someone that doesn’t believe in God that there really is a God. I mean, marriage really can be great, way great. But sometimes we learn to settle for whatever we’ve got. Sometimes, things just coast along and seem to be just fine. In some ways, it doesn’t get any better than that. But in a sneaky way, time and love is slipping though our hands.
There will be people that tell you or teach you to settle for whatever you’ve currently got. That you have accomplished everything that you need to and you don’t need to spend much more energy on your marriage or your family, that it’s good enough.
I don’t have much use for those people. Who do they think they are, telling you to settle for what you’ve got and no need to try for more. This is heresy to me. But what’s even worse, I’m the one that tells me, myself and I, to settle for what I’ve got and how far we’ve come. I’m the one that has the power and the courage to reach for more, to make life better for my family, to bring encouragement instead of complaints, to see the stars in their eyes, the sinew in their bones, the hope in their hearts. I get to call forth greatness in the people entrusted to me.
I’ve know some form of this almost my entire life. I have always loved to stretch others to be greater and more accomplished. It’s one of my main reasons for existence. I’m good at it.
When I stop doing this with my wife and children, I betray God. And I don’t wake up one day and go Oh, I think I’ll just write them off, do my own thing, let them fall into the pit of their own making. No, it doesn’t happen like that. It’s a slow slide from high ideals to learning to settle for whatever seems to be current reality. In fact, it’s often so slow that you don’t really know it’s taking place.
My worst enemy is myself. God gave me a family so that I could raise them and teach them to reach for the heaven’s. Oh man, how many times I’ve settled for the easiest hilltop, or the shortest jaunt.
Marriage is not easy all the time. You have to work at it much of the time. When you stop working at it, you don’t make it easier, you just stop working. Come on now, what else do you have that is more important than the relationship that God called you to? What’s more important than guiding someone into Glory and the very presence of God. I have even resisted this at times, knowing I wasn’t good enough to be like God, or even point the way to God.
Recently Debbie got me to reading a chapter or two from Scripture each night. We read some other books as well. But each night, we take up something that astonishes us, and brings us closer because we share a common path. That path is toward a God that loves us with an everlasting love.
This summer I had several complaints to make with Debbie, turns out, she turned them around on me in secret. I wanted more intimacy with her, I wanted her heart as I’ve said. She wanted more, she wanted to be sure that God had her heart as well. And she made me a part of her plan to gain that confidence. She almost handcuffed me to the Word and said read. Yes, I’m funnin and exaggerating, but her wish and hope was for intimacy in our whole family, and God as the head of our family.
I’m thinking that maybe I should be more careful with my complaints, Debbie might turn them on me and get me to do something that I had no idea I was going to do. More funnin there.
But what’s beautiful about it, we are discovering anew what we really want for ourselves, our family, our God and our others. We’re not in SETTLE mode, we are in stretch, reach, look for what’s possible, expect what you had earlier hoped for, but did not believe was possible.
This has been tough at times for me and Debbie. Any complaints can come across if not carefully handled as if you are saying that something is wrong with you, you are not good enough, you must get better or else. Our delicate hearts and sensitivities struggle to hear that someone is not pleased with us. And then we start to settle for less, less of ourselves, less of God, and less of each other.
But God is not a lessor God, believe me. He wants more for me than I can imagine. And I’m so glad that He is there to encourage us to strive for a greater marriage. In an interesting way, it doesn’t seem like work at all right now. It’s fun. And Debbie told me a while back she gets great joy out of seeing me happy and having fun. Our marriage is fun, more fun than ever. And here’s to more fun, laughter, stretch and craziness, moon gazing and sunrises, and smiles. Whatever tough times lie ahead, we have these beautiful days to carry us through. And I have sweet souls around me to share them with. I’m off to read with my lover. Talk To You Later. ttyl